Reclaiming Myself: A Journey From Panic to Peace

The Night I Thought I’d Die: The Beginning of My Hidden Struggle

As a little girl of 8, I was certain that night would be my last. My heart raced, and I couldn’t breathe. It was my first panic attack. My parents, though trying their best to comfort me, were strangers to the treacherous landscape of mental health. This was a time when such matters were hidden behind closed doors. And so began my journey of living with constant anxiety and overwhelm, believing it to be my normal.

The Invisible Weight of Motherhood

Fast forward to when my firstborn arrived. Motherhood, I was prepared for the sleepless nights but what caught me off guard was my paranoia. The countless times I checked if my baby was breathing and the sheer panic of being left alone with my little one. As I isolated myself, I assumed these were just new mum jitters. But the waves got rougher, and I knew something was not right.

Burnout was creeping in.
My stress levels were through the roof.
I cried uncontrollably.

The Turning Point

The realization that something was seriously wrong hit me hard. Why couldn’t I cope when others seemed to? It took a few heart-wrenching months before I gathered the courage to seek help. A sense of hopelessness consumed me.

Was I strong enough?
Would anyone understand?

It was then I decided I needed to live differently. My doctor reassured me that I wasn't alone and that it was okay to ask for help.

Therapy and Mindfulness

Embarking on therapy was a game-changer. My therapist, a guiding beacon, opened the doors to mindfulness and alternative therapies. Our sessions became my sanctuary, where I could speak without fear.

Reiki: A Current of Energy

Reiki was transformative. Each session was a step towards making time for myself. It was a reminder that I was more than ‘just a mum’.

Meditation: Anchoring My Soul

Though difficult at first, meditation became my anchor. Starting with five-minute sessions, I learned to be present. The endless list of chores could wait. My mental well-being couldn’t.

Positive Affirmations: Steering towards Positivity

I was my harshest critic. Positive affirmations changed the way I viewed myself. They allowed me to acknowledge my strengths and embrace gratitude.

Rediscovering Joy

Mindfulness taught me to savor life – the smell of flowers, sunsets, and birdsong. Things I had long forgotten.

I was more present.
I could play with my children.
I began to laugh again.

Though anxiety still visited, it no longer ruled my life. The panic attacks lessened. I had strategies to cope.

An Ongoing Journey

Now, I don’t fear my anxiety. I understand it. I have equipped my mind to distinguish between life's stresses and true emergencies. This journey has taught me to show kindness, understanding, and love to myself.

Life is fuller.
I live without regret.
I am awake to the wonders around me.

My journey with mental health is an ongoing voyage. But it’s one where I now have the tools to navigate through the storms and appreciate the calm waters.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. May my story help you find your calm amidst the storms.